and so i wait...

"Perfect faith is not faith that moves God. Perfect faith is faith that moves us to trust God when He doesn't seem to be moving." - Andy Stanley

giving it all to God.

I was telling my fellowship group the other night that I have been feeling a little guilty lately because I think about Africa ALL of the time. Even I find that it's hard to compartmentalize sometimes, and I often find my thoughts drifting to Africa even when I'm doing other things. My dreams at night are filled with my sweet little Sammy, wise Bridget, and precocious Liti. I analyze the calendar to calculate when I'll possibly have enough vacation time saved up to go back, and I'm praying for the courage to ask my boss if I could take some unpaid days so that I can go sooner than next fall.

I feel like I left half of my heart in what truly seems like another world, with children who couldn't seem more like my own if I birthed them myself. I know that Sam is safe and protected at Sangaalo in the care of amazing Damalie and David, so I worry less about him, though I miss him just the same. But knowing what the girls face each day... well, I fear for them. And every morning, I hand them over to God and trust that He is protecting them from the very corrupt and dangerous people who surround them. And I continue to write to Bridget and Liti, praying over each sealed envelope, that it will make it into their hands quickly and safely.

All I can do from here is pray and remind them of words of hope that were written long ago. Dear Lord, let that be enough - at least, for now.

prayers for the unspoken.

A lot is happening right now pertaining to my time in Uganda. Some of these things are exciting and great, and some are sad and worrisome. The hard part, for me, is that I can't say too much about any of these situations right now. I process things by talking them through with people as much as I process it internally. I guess that means I have only processed these things halfway?!

As annoyingly vague as this is, please send up some prayers for it all - strength and patience for everyone involved, and for whatever outcome to bring glory to God. No matter what.

faith as small as a mustard seed.

I usually try not to pray for miracles in my own life. For others, yes, but not for myself. Why? Well, I try to protect myself from being disappointed in God. The last time I dared to pray such a "big" prayer, miracles did not occur like I had hoped, and it not only left me heartbroken and hurting (for years), but it also deeply affected my trust in the Lord. He has graciously worked with me since then to teach me how to trust Him once more, and though it is better, I confess that I still struggle with it. I am thankful that He understands and loves me anyway.

But now, for the second time in my life, I am daring to pray for BIG things. Things that, if they come to pass, could only be described as miracles. I am scared to take even this step of faith, but at least now I realize that the outcome will be amazing no matter what happens; God's will is going to be done, even if things don't come out as I hope.

And so I continue to see how Africa has changed me.

live courageously.