Claire woke me up an hour ago because she was thirsty, and I'm having trouble going back to sleep. It's 330am - my own personal witching hour.
Worries are filling my mind right now. Things that I have no control over - as if I have control over anything, though, right? I have a big meeting on Thursday that I am eagerly anticipating. I haven't been able to send as much in donations to Ekubo and Sangaalo as I'd like. I start official training at work tomorrow. I have another photo shoot to process by next weekend but have limited time to do it, since I no longer have the Internet at my house and need to go use free wifi at a cafe to get it done. I have letters to write to Bridget and Liti in Uganda, and Marilin in Bolivia, but time is escaping me with each passing minute. I need to start saving money so I can go back to Uganda next year, but I have not been able to do that yet because of other more immediate concerns. And those Christmas cards I have to send out? I haven't even ordered them yet.
Notice a common theme? ME. I hate how self-centered I am. I hate how I worry about these insignificant things, when there are children and families in Africa who have nothing to eat but trust that God will somehow provide. And I have seen how He provides firsthand. So why is it still so hard for me to trust that He will come through?!
I was praying a little while ago, and I laughed when I realized that I continue to pray that God will give me patience. Be careful what you pray for, because God is indeed answering my prayers by giving me numerous situations that are teaching me to be patient and rely on Him. I am thankful for these lessons, but my impatience itself is causing me to be frustrated with my learning curve!
The fact that I can't see into the future forces me to rely on the knowledge - the faith - that He provides. I know He will take care of it all. He always does.